Clickbait 3

Here is more inanity from the sump-pump of the interwebs! The series continues. Don’t forget to look at Part 1 and Part 2!

Ah, the old Viking strategy. "Come with us in this longboat and get ye some concubines." "Arr, sounds good."

Ah, the old Viking strategy. “Come with us in this longboat and get ye some concubines.” “Arr, sounds good.”

4 of the regrets are the people touching her. The fifth is this picture.

4 of the regrets are the people touching her. The fifth is this picture.

"Manufacturers warning: KILLS blood pressure, not just reduces. May result in death, cessation of bodily function, passing beyond the veil. Consult your doctor to see if Arsenica is right for you."

“Manufacturers warning: KILLS blood pressure, not just reduces. May result in death, cessation of bodily function, passing beyond the veil. Consult your doctor to see if Arsenica is right for you.”

Multiply by 250,000. Easy.

Multiply by 250,000. Easy.

Step 1: Kidnap UFC fighter. Step 2: Euthanize UFC fighter. Now you have the body of a UFC fighter!

Step 1: Kidnap UFC fighter.
Step 2: Euthanize UFC fighter.
Now you have the body of a UFC fighter!

Holy crap, that guy was thirty 100 feet ago.

Holy crap, that guy was thirty 100 feet ago.

No, but we're great at causing headaches.

No, but we’re great at causing headaches.

You’re Number 1, Satan!

Hey.
Satan.
You took your best shot. And that shot bounced off the golden walls of life like an air-soft pellet off a mountain. You fail. You are weak. You’ve injured me in the past, and what bad has it done? None. Jesus is doing the whole hand-on-your-forehead-while-you-flail-helplessly thing. And the “stop hitting yourself” thing. You are beyond funny; you are laughable. You live in fear of imminent death and destruction, and yet you cannot admit it. You are foolish, and of all living things most to be pitied. Because Christ did not rise for you.
The only salute you will ever get from me has one finger.

Good Little Governments

Good Little Governments

Nato is requesting that cyber warriors refrain from attacking hospitals and nuclear power plants. In a similar bid, the U.S. Army is requesting terrorists to “stop shooting soldiers in critical body parts.” One General, who asked to remain anonymous, talked to our reporters. “It had to be done. I mean, if we don’t make rules like this, someone might, you know, get hurt.” 
And now, in government news, Obama is implementing a defense policy whose first strategy is “asking them nicely to stop. And saying please.”